Once upon a time, when I was coming out of a season of darkness and brokenness, I sat down at a desk at the start of the new school year that had the word BROKEN written on it.
The way it was broken was not extremely obvious. I didn’t fall down to the floor immediately when I sat. The defect was hidden until I pushed up on the one edge–and the surface of the desk lifted in a way it wasn’t supposed to.
I could still sit there, and do my work. I just had to be careful not to let anyone lean on the far edge so that the lid didn’t flip up into my face.
I sat at that desk and I wrote the following poem:
I'm struggling once more to set pen to paper
For reasons unknown, the words won't come
There's a word before me, in capital letters:
BROKEN
Is that me?
I don't feel it inside
I don't feel what I did last year
BROKEN
It's still there, staring me in the face,
Mocking me for not understanding
Mocking me as the weariness washes over me
BROKEN
.....
Perhaps it's laughing because it knows
If I keep going on as I am sick
That eventually I'll fall and not get back up quickly
BROKEN
It's still there, those unforgiving black letters
Bold, harsh, misunderstood, and not understood
Not disappearing, unmoving, never changing
.....
BROKEN
If that's what I am, that's what I am
If not, then it's lying--the likeliest cause
Just taunting me and messing with my mind
Keep in mind that was 2009 and I was 18. But the season I was coming out of was one where I was overwhelmed and struggling to hear or feel God. I sat in that desk and I felt very much like that word: BROKEN.
My brokenness was not obvious, but it was there. The storm was rolling out, but destruction was left in the wake. Cleanup was needed. And I had to make a choice about how to proceed.
I could stay in that broken place, at that broken figurative table. I could accept the label of brokenness and allow it to become my identity. Or I could begin moving forward again and leave that label behind.
The best part about the process is that we have a choice. You can choose to get up from one table and sit down at another.
The Lord does not desire that we stay stuck in our brokenness, nor does He leave us alone in that state.
- Isaiah 42:3 NIV: “A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.”
- Psalm 147:3 NIV: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
- Psalm 34:18 NIV: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God desires that we have an abundant life (John 10:10), that we grow and thrive in Him. We are to follow His calling on our lives and be the hands and feet of Jesus. We should sit at tables that encourage and build us up (Ephesians 4:29), where we hear the truth being spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Today, friends, take a good look at the table where you are sitting and make sure you’re somewhere that is going to edify and build you up. If not, you have the choice to move on and find somewhere that heals and restores.
Don’t stay at the broken table. You are meant for more.
Blessings,
~Lynne
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