And just like that, the page turned quietly and there was a blank one before me.
It happened fairly quietly, with little fanfare, much like nature’s seasons in our world.
Changing seasons are a natural part of life. Sometimes they are quiet, natural changes like leaves fading from green to their autumn splendor or like flowers pushing up from the earth. And sometimes, like the pains of childbirth or passing a kidney stone, change is much sharper and difficult to endure.
In the midst of a difficult decision, it can be challenging to know if it’s really the right or best decision. Often that knowledge doesn’t come until after the decision is made and the page turns. And that knowledge doesn’t show up unaccompanied–it often brings grief, despair, and a whole host of other feelings along.
However, in the midst of the parade of feelings, I personally had one unexpected visitor: peace.
I realized I could breathe again. I was able to take a deep breath, fill up my lungs, and let it out fully. I could also see things around me more clearly without tunnel vision blocking my sight. Peace was what I hoped would show up, but didn’t know whether or not it would actually show up. But it did. Along with this reminder:
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD Himself, is the Rock eternal.”
~Isaiah 26:3-4 (NIV)
These verses from Isaiah were the verse of the day on my Bible app on Monday this week, the day I executed the decision that led to the turning of my page. This verse has been one of my life verses, something I have clung to for many years. While the words “perfect peace” are always a welcome balm, this time of reading the verse had the word “steadfast” catching my attention.
The Oxford Dictionary defines “steadfast” as “resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.” In the midst of making a decision and looking at multiple angles and views, “steadfast” wasn’t always the best description of how I felt. In fact, I had several weeks where I was locked in a battle of fierce self-doubt, which felt the exact opposite of being steadfast. But because of the Lord’s great compassion, He broke through that battle and reminded me who I am and Whose I am, entering with His love and reaffirming my foundation in Him. My heart may have been angry and aching, but my mind emerged from that battle steadfast in who my Savior sees me to be when He looks at me.
That steadfastness opened the way for God’s peace to enter alongside me once I stepped through the door of my decision. The other feelings are still flaring as I process and grieve what I have walked away from, but it is that perfect peace that reigns steadfast because no matter what has happened, I trust in God to bring me through. No matter what I’ve been through, God is my steadfast rock that I can stand up on.
As I’ve written this, I had this song start playing in my head:
Here You are again
Forgiving, redeeming my heart again
Standing me up on my feet again
You show me Your mercy will never run out
Will never run out
I can breathe again
Knowing I'm loved, I feel free again
No matter how long I've been wandering
When I think that I've gone too far
Here You are
Again
~"Again" by Jeremy Camp
God’s mercy and His perfect peace never run out–they are new every morning and His faithfulness is great (Lamentations 3:22-24). Our job is to be steadfast in every season and He will provide, coming alongside us and walking every step with us.
The pages will continue to turn, but beloved, don’t be afraid: there are new chapters and new stories ahead, no matter what you are leaving behind.
Blessings from a new chapter,
~Lynne
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