Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
~Green Day, “Wake Me Up When September Ends”
Yesterday, as I was checking off the day from the calendar, I started humming this song because September is ending once again and it felt appropriate. So I looked up the lyrics and had a revelation about where I am in life.
I’m still dealing with some upheaval from 18 months ago and the fallout of feelings after it. I’ve prayed. And I’ve struggled. And I’ve prayed and struggled some more.
Four days ago, I felt a prompting to reread a book I first read in 2023 when it was released, Raised to Stay by Natalie Runion. I immensely enjoyed it the first time, and this time it’s punching even harder. For example, at the end of the chapter titled “Shipwrecks Happen,” she closes with this:
“It’s time to get back into the boat. You have mourned long enough.
His grace is sufficient for you.”~Natalie Runion, Raised to Stay p.95
Well then.
In that chapter, Natalie writes about the apostle Paul being shipwrecked three times during his ministry and how most of us would have given up after just one shipwreck. But Paul kept getting back in the boat. He kept going forward.
And we need to do the same.
Walking in faith isn’t easy, especially when doing life and church with other broken humans. We are bound to get things wrong and hurt each other. In my case, forgiveness hasn’t equaled reconciliation. That’s a boundary I will maintain, even as I keep choosing to forgive. (If you want to read more about boundaries, you should check out my chapter “Silence IS an Answer” in our book Faithful in Every Season here.)
But the boundary is a closed door and I need to stop staring at it.
I will always mourn part of what I lost until something changes there. But it’s time to stop letting that grief get in the way of getting back in the boat and moving forward. The only one I have control over is me.
And God is still calling me.
The season of hurt and grief didn’t remove the call. It’s still there, and it’s just going to require looking for different doors now. It’s time to stop mourning so much that I can’t move forward. It’s time for healing and time to move on.
Like the Green Day song says, the pain I’ve been drenched in is part of me. I’ll never forget what I lost. But it’s time to stop letting it hold me back and define me.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’”
~2 Corinthians 12:9a NIV
It’s time to find out who I am in this next chapter. Because His grace is sufficient enough to carry me through whatever comes next.
September is over. It’s time to wake up.
Blessings,
~Lynne
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