Today I texted this to a friend: “It’s crazy how one small human totally rewrites who you are!”
It’s been three months since my second son was born. He is sweet, cuddly, and currently has a really happy demeanor. We are adjusting to routine and yet constantly changing things up at the same time. It’s exhausting, but he’s such a gift.
In spite of the blessing, I find that I miss the things that I used to have time for. I barely get any reading done, and writing is hard both with not having time as well as not having the inspiration. I’m tired. My body still aches. I look in the mirror and see random bumps that flare up and then go away, my hair falling out, and my belly still hanging over the band of my pants. I don’t recognize this version of myself because she is brand new.
The picture at the top of this post is of a notebook I recently found that has my writing from 2008, a book I wrote in high school. It’s blurred over because frankly, it’s terrible. 2008 me had big plans to be a young published fantasy author, but it took us til 34 to actually get published–and it wasn’t fantasy! Our plans took a lot of detours and our destination changed many times between then and now.
I got rewritten a lot of times along the way to where I am now.
Not just marriage and children, but illness, people coming in and out of my life, and a hundred other things that just happen.
But God knew this would all happen. He knew about all the detours, all the speed bumps, all the destination changes. Psalm 139 says this:
“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
Every version of myself that ever has been and ever will be is fearfully and wonderfully made. God made us and we are meant to change as life happens! No version of ourselves is imperfect–when we are walking in His footsteps, we are exactly who and where we are meant to be.
Tonight, as I tap out this post when I probably should be taking ibuprofen and going to bed, I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am wonderfully made and I am made to handle every change. Just when I get used to this version of myself, something else will happen and I will change again. What makes that way less scary is knowing that I am not alone in the process–I am pursuing my Father and He is right there helping me every step of the way.
I’m heading to bed now. My sweet boy will be up any time between midnight and 5am, so we’ll see what curveball he throws me tonight! No matter what it is, I can handle it. I am made for this life.
Blessings,
~Lynne
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